Words carry so much weight. They can build up, tear down and ultimately have an effect on the trajectory of our lives.

The Bible says that in the power of your tongue lies life and death. We can speak something to live, or plunder it to death with our words. (Ain’t that the truth!)

This can feel weighty – but it’s actually amazing!!! Once we realist that what we say, has an effect on us, it changes so much!

Our words don’t need to be perfect or poetic – they just need to be ‘good’ (kind, sincere, building up, speaking life)

Sometimes simple and sincere goes a very long way,

So when it comes to vows, we have the unique opportunity to write hope, growth, positivity, encouragement (you name it) into your future. (Although it’s not a magic wand that will guarantee that it will all happen as we write it, being intentional about what we want to build into our lives is the starting point to actually start living it out)

All of our lives as human beings, is about becoming.

The morning after we put on our wedding ring, we don’t wake up as the perfect spouse (bummer- I know), but we make small daily choices and habits that affect who we become.

What does this have to do with vows?

We get to write words, that can help us build the picture, cast a vision) of where we want to go. Almost like a compass for our life together.

Words that can serve as a reminder when we get lost, or forget.

Our vows live long past our wedding day, it is the promise that binds us into the future, and we live out our lives in everyday married life (amidst the washing, cooking, dishes and pressures of life

So where do you start? What is the secret, the trick, the life-hack for writing something that significant?

(how I wish I could insert a formula/app or perfect guide to help you – sorry to break it to you – I don’t think there is a formula- there are no formula’s for people)

But if being a wedding photogrpaher (and wife) has taught me anything it’s this:

Strip away the pressure and expectation you feel to measure up to some sort of ideal (and think about what you want to cultivate toward each other for the next 20/30/40 years) You are writing your vows to each other, not for the benefit or approval of other people.

You can do this together, or apart. (It’s up to you) But as you are building a life together, this might be a fun exercise to start together (it might prompt some conversations you have not intentionally had)

What are the fundamental virtues/values that you want to build your relationship on.

• Kindness? Respect? Honest? Wholeheartedness? Generosity? Equality? Faith?

What kind of a environment do you want to have in your home?

• Peaceful? Fun? Grace-filled? Positive? Supportive?

What characteristics do you want to cultivate in each other?

• Accountability? Integrity? Strength? Vulnerability?

For me the traditional vows of ‘for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part’ are still awesome. They speak of the covenant of marriage. The “I choose to forsake all other and make it work with you, no matter what”.

Having a partner by your side to do life with is amazing, and life can throw us many curve balls and sometimes downright beat the life out of us,

the longer I’ve been married, the more I’ve learned that being intentional about building a life together, and taking time to write out what we want that life to look and feel like (in terms of our values, attitude, words and action is pretty huge)

(at least for an introvert, journal, word loving person like me)

I’ve heard of couples that read their vows to each other whenever they move house, and at anniversaries and during hard times. Some frame them, and look at them regularly.

Sometimes we forget, that the biggest part of marriage is living out our vows in the messy middle of every day, choosing love, and being intentional about the future we want to see (in our small daily actions)

You don’t need to write your own vows- it’s not a prerequisite for married life, but I hope, that if you are keen on doing it – that this was helpful? (Drop a comment below if it was)

You are about to embark on an amazing journey as a married couple- one that is so worth it! (I am so excited for you!)

I would love to hear more about what you are planning.